Garden Shoe Review

The Stable
Flickr Photo originally uploaded by The County Clerk.

-

About a year ago, Craig over at Ellis Hollow put up what may be the greatest blog post ever posted anywhere.  It is certainly the greatest thing I have ever seen.  With all the talk about blogging these days, Craig's post is the perfect expression of the blog genre, in my opinion.  It is Perfection.  Unimprovable.  I refer to his brief but powerfully important Garden Shoe Review.  Bravo Craig!

I've thought about it a good bit over the last year, especially as I labored over 60 page researched essays about civilization and the garden around us (the world).  I know as I type that I will never achieve what Craig had achieved, but I labor on anyway.  Such is life.

Tonight, almost EXACTLY one year later, I feel inspired to put up my own Garden Shoe Review.  It will not be as good as Craig's, but perhaps it will suffice.

-

The Stable
Flickr Photo originally uploaded by The County Clerk.

OK... these might look like a bunch of similar shoes to you, but they aren't.  Not at all.  These six pair of black shoes (note the empty space for the pair on my feet RIGHT NOW) represent a wide variety.  And then there are boat shoes (for boats), running shoes (for inflicting pain), last year's gardening clogs (for going to Home Depot (I lost a couple of 'em, one each Black and Brown, but fortunately I lost a left AND a right - they are the same size so I can combine them)) and slippers for cold winter mornings.  The gardening footwear is on the top two shelves.

As everyone knows, the creation of the perfect gardening shoe is a process.  It takes time... and love.  Yes.  Love.  Is it wrong for a man to write about love?  I don't think so.  I happen to think there just isn't enough love in the world.  There certainly isn't enough love in my bedroom (but THAT is another story).  Yes, there is love in my closet.  I put it there... like an investment.  Yes.

-

For the Garden (Rain Days)
Flickr Photo originally uploaded by The County Clerk.

These are fully mature gardening shoes.  Note the lost tassels.  Both of 'em.  This is the outward manifestation of the shoe's completed growth.  Sadly, the next life stage for these babies is "decline" - but that isn't even worth thinking about.

Description:	For the garden (Rain Days)
Off/On:	Are they on?
Socks:	Sure, but why?
Puttering:	Careful "puttering" only, and only on my own property.  There is a danger here... the "mistaken for homeless guy" factor.
Aroma:	Frangipani and Chocolate.
Mowing:	Excellent mowing shoe.
Snow:	These babies have seen snow and never once complained.
Digging:	Excellent.
Chick Factor:	Magnet.  Chicks can't resist these... or at least that is what I choose to believe.

-

For the Garden (Dry Days)
Flickr Photo originally uploaded by The County Clerk.

These are almost fully mature.  The one lost tassel is a sure sign that adolescence is coming to an end.  Coming to an end, but not over yet.  The pale blush of youth is still on these cheeks.  If there WERE cheeks, you would be able to see what I mean very clearly.  As it is, you have to look closely.  Sort of squint your eyes.  Yeah.  See it now?

Description:	For the garden (Dry Days)
Off/On:	Easy and Deliciously smooth.
Socks:	Ready, should I be so inclined.
Puttering:	This is the most versatile shoe in the set.  Appropriate for a walk to the club OR spreading mulch.   (I've heard of people walking to clubs, and these would be perfect for it, I assume)
Aroma:	Like roses, baby.
Mowing:	These are "Mowing Equipment"
Snow:	Snow just sucks.  That is what I think.
Digging:	When I wake in the morning, I can hear these shoes in the closet.  They are saying "Please... please... PLEASE let me dig something."
Chick Factor:	Oh.  Baby.  Oh.  Baby.  Oh...

-

 

For The Office and the Nursery
Flickr Photo originally uploaded by The County Clerk.

These are the "general purpose" shoes.   These are not quite ready to be proclaimed "Gardening Shoes", but I can see some good stuff in them.  I am optimistic.  These shoes have heart.  They are champions... or they will be.  I just know it.

Description:	For the office and the nursery
Off/On:	Getting good now.  No hands, no horn required.
Socks:	Not quite yet.
Puttering:	Very good, all purpose "puttering" shoe
Aroma:	Full and rich like a summer breeze.
Mowing:	It's been done.
Snow:	Good snow shoe, though sometimes snow slips in.  Bummer.
Digging:	Excellent.
Chick Factor:	Chicks dig 'em (as far as I'm concerned), and if they don't, they certainly SHOULD.

-

For Being Prepared (New and Standing By)
Flickr Photo originally uploaded by The County Clerk.

These are in the early stages of preparation.   They are not to be worn... not yet.  They must spend a few more nights (maybe weeks) acclimating to their new environment.  It is a slow and gentle process.  It takes time.  How will I know when they are ready to be worn?  There is no sure way of telling.  I'll just have to stay in touch with the Nāḍi and open my Inner Chee.  It is a New Age thing... and very personal.  You people wouldn't understand.  (Sorry... but you wouldn't.)  Bottom line, I'll just know when.  When the time is right, I will sense it.  These things cannot be rushed... unless of course I have a particularly important client meeting, in which case... well... I was never really all that much of New Age guy anyway. 

Description:	For being prepared
Off/On:	I have no idea.  Not yet.
Socks:	Not on your life.
Puttering:	Absolutely not.
Aroma:	Stale and lifeless
Mowing:	I'm SHOCKED and OUTRAGED at my own suggestion.
Snow:	These will have to be "gentled" by summer before they can be exposed to snow.
Digging:	What a rude and terrible thought.
Chick Factor:	It wouldn't surprise me if chicks dug these, but these shoes are not ready for wimmin.  They are young.  They deserve a childhood... you know... an innocent time of carefree existence.  They must be protected for a while.  There will be time aplenty for the ladies... but later.  This is the way of things.

-

For Peace of Mind
Flickr Photo originally uploaded by The County Clerk.

These are just waiting.  The sole purpose of these is so that I know they are there.  That is it.   One day, maybe soon, another box will replace this one and this one will come down.  But not yet... not until the shoe store has another sale.  Until then, they will stay up on the shelf with the cummerbunds and Opera Pumps (which are just a little too uh... well... they need to stay in the box... there is a Grosgrain Bow on them for crying out loud - I mean, what the hell is THAT all about?).

Description:	For peace of mind.
Off/On:	No.
Socks:	No.
Puttering:	No.
Aroma:	Not worth mentioning.
Mowing:	No.
Snow:	Not for a LONG TIME.  Maybe next April... maybe later.
Digging:	No.
Chick Factor:	No idea.

-

Of course, there was a REASON for all this "shoe" talk... but that is another story too.

Comments

[Mr. McGregor's Daughter]

LOL! You put my garden shoe collection to shame! (I have mud shoes, sort of clogs & snow boots.) Generally, I wear 1 pair until I beat them into the ground. Fashion be damned.

[Kim]

You always make me feel like such a bohemian! (Not that it's a bad thing.) But then, I did spend two years of my life planning to be a gypsy when I grew up, so that's not entirely surprising...

Please, please PLEASE... at least post a pic of those opera shoes on your Flickr page? I am trying to imagine you wearing shoes with grosgrain ribbon, and I just can't picture it. I need photographic assistance for my imagination!

[Layanee]

Shoes with tassels missing are not quite finished with their dance but you know that the dance to this point has been vigorous enough to actually 'throw' a tassel or two and the imagined ending is just, oh so sweet. At least that is the visual image that you conjured up not that I have seen a dancer with tassels or anything but I do read....

[Lisa]

I just can't believe that you wear tasseled dress shoes in the garden! That's awesome...have you tried the sloggers yet? Personally I can't wear clogs for serious gardening. The minute I get a stone in my shoe, it drives me to distraction! (And with Gardener's Attention Distraction Syndrome, I need all the focus I can get! :)

[Crafty B]

You're the man! I am not worthy.

One question, blisters aren't a problem?

[The County Clerk]

Crafty, my good man, I am surprised at you. Blisters? A problem?

According to the Dukkha, Siddhārtha Gautama (the great Buddha (see Buddha-hood)) tells us that all life is suffering.

The first of The Four Noble Truths is:

"Now this ... is the noble truth of suffering: birth is suffering, aging is suffering, illness is suffering, death is suffering; union with what is displeasing is suffering; separation from what is pleasing is suffering; not to get what one wants is suffering; in brief, the five aggregates subject to clinging are suffering.

Am I a Buddhist? No. But do I sit here in the midst of my wonder-bread life and presume that the supreme buddha was wrong? Of course not. That would be obtuse, am I wrong?

(By the way, "truth" is not a perfect translation of "catvāri āryasatyāni" (The Four Noble Truths). It is more like "The Four Noble Realities.")

So... how can I comment upon blisters that may or may not be there, or may or may not make me suffer, when all life is suffering?

A downer of an attitude you think? Not at all my wise and true friend.  Once we know that all life is suffering, we cannot be waylaid by the suffering which awaits us... and then we are free to be joyful, without danger. It is the "craving of delight" that gets us every time.

I don't worry about blisters. I worry about foot massages.

[The County Clerk]

I will catch up on comments soon.

[Carol, May Dreams Gardens]

A fascinating post about how your shoes evolve to the Higher Purpose of Gardening. And here I short-circuited the process by buying actual garden shoes (Jolly's and Muck Boots). Except for my mowning shoes, those generally evolve from athletic shoes.